That’s why there’s that very, very, very important short section in the teacher’s manual, “Are external changes needed in the lives of God’s teachers?” And the answer is, with rare exception—and of course, everybody thinks he or she is part of the rare exception—with rare exceptions, you’re asked to change your mind about the situation.

In fact, since we’re talking about it, let me just read it for you. It’s page 26 in the teacher’s manual. “Are Changes Required in the Life Situation of God’s Teachers?” And here’s the opening line:

(M-9.1:1) Changes are required in the minds of God’s teachers.

Now it’s because everybody is terrified of changing the mind–that’s why we made a world in the first place. We always want to change the form. Now the Course is not against changing the form. All Jesus is saying is before you change the form, change your mind.

Then skip down to sentence 4.  

(M-9.1:4-9) It is most unlikely that changes in attitude would not be the first step in the newly made teacher of God’s training. [It is most unlikely that you would not be asked first to change your attitude.] There is, however, no set pattern, since training is highly individualized. There are those who are called upon to change their life situation almost immediately, but these are genuinely special cases. [That’s what I meant. Everybody thinks he or she is part of the special cases.] By far the majority are given a slowly evolving training program, in which as many previous missteps (mistakes) as possible are corrected. Relationships in particular must be properly perceived, and all dark cornerstones of unforgiveness removed. Otherwise [and underline this and highlight this in red, green, blue and red!] Otherwise the old thought system still has a basis for return.

In other words, the problem with your relationship, the problem with your job, the problem with your body, the problem with where you’re living, is guilt. If you change the external without changing the guilt, the guilt is there. And guess what? It’ll rear its ugly head in your next special relationship, in your next job, in your next location. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t leave a situation that you feel is abusive or isn’t working for you any more. But the reason you experience it as abusive is because of your guilt. It doesn’t mean the person is not being abusive or a boss is not being abusive, but that’s not your problem. Your problem is your wish to see yourself abused. Or to restate it as the Course says it, your wish is to perceive yourself unfairly treated; that’s what you want. Once you get rid of that wish, then you leave or you stay, but you do so peacefully. And you leave with a blessing, and you stay feeling blessed. And whether you leave or stay at that point becomes basically irrelevant to your own peace of mind. So that’s the idea, that the Holy Spirit transforms your relationship, which means he transforms its purpose.  

So to make this very clear, this does not mean you have to stay in an abusive relationship or situation. But it does mean that it would work much better for you in the long run is, if before you leave, you work on letting go of your guilt and your need to be unfairly treated. That will ensure that if you do leave, you won’t pick up all over again with another relationship or another boss or another work situation, which is inevitable if there’s guilt. Guilt must always be projected out. Always. That’s just one of the laws of the split mind. If there’s guilt, you will deny it or repress it and what you repress you will project. That’s just how it is. And so if you don’t undo the guilt, it’ll surface again and again.